SAD, it's quite funny its called that because it doesn't make me feel sad. I have SAD but I'm not sad. When I see an injustice, I'm sad. When I drop my last piece of chocolate on the floor, I'm sad.
SAD makes me feel that
Nothing really matters anymore
Everything is boring and pointless
I don't have the energy to do anything
I want to stay in bed, I'm too tired to get up or get washed or dressed
I'm irritable at everyone and everything
I need chocolate and suet puddings and pies although
I hate being fat and nothing fits
All summer I've been fat and nothing fits but I haven't given it a thought. I just throw something on and off I go. I don't worry about what I look like, I don't care that I have nothing to wear. It's not important. Then the winter comes and I hate being fat and have nothing nice to wear. It's the wrong way around, surely I should worry about my figure when clothes are skimpier not in the winter when I can cover up and hide it all.
Thats what SAD is like, it's depressing.
Although I know it's going to happen SAD still creeps up on me. I feel the sun getting weaker and the days getting shorter and I feel it approaching like a cloud, a big black cloud. Everyone is loving the Autumn, they are enjoying the trees changing colour and the leaves all crispy underfoot. Many are happy that the days are cooler and getting excited about Christmas and the possibility of snow, but all I see is the winter stretching ahead of me. Months of it, relentless.
Don't get me wrong I do love the trees changing colour but soon the leaves are gone. The clocks get turned back and suddenly its too late. I just want to run away to the sun. I want to live somewhere the sun always shines.
I am already in the clutches of SAD. I don't want to get up or to go out. I can't be bothered to do anything. It doesn't make me want to die or give up, its not like that. I don't feel hopeless and suicidal. No it's not like that for me, everything becomes pointless and too much trouble.
I even know how to make it better, it's just that every year I do the same. I forget. I love being in the sunshine and I love the warmth and I feel good. I have so much fun in the summer that I forget. I forget that the days will get shorter and dark. I forget that I should prepare for it like a squirrel hoarding nuts for the winter. I just have fun then it's here, engulfing me.
All is not lost though, at some point I realise why I feel so awful, why I can't get out of my bed or leave the house and as soon as the realisation hits I can do something about it.
This is what works for me.
Getting outside into the daylight and on grey days using a light box.
Exercising, even a short walk outside releases endorphins and makes me feel better
Vitamin D supplements, although this hasn't been proven to be effective it works for me. Maybe it's the placebo effect but I don't really care. It works for me. I take the spray of 3000iu per day. I like this as it tastes good and gives me an almost instant lift.
I just need to go to the shop and buy my Vit D then I'll have the energy to get outside, walk in the sunshine and write happy blog posts again.
If you suffer from SAD what works for you?